January 29, 2010

What a week...

Met some New People 
I was so pumped this week to meet some new people! I saw some great guys from Wawasee that I had never seen at NMC before! Shout out to Justin and Keegan cause they are sweet and Justin can sing the roof off the place and I met Keegan when I was umpiring one of his baseball games last year or so.

Ministry Firsts
This was the first week that Derry has been out of the office and I had to coordinate all things Senior High. Ok, clearly not everything, because of the amazing Kristy Mikel, however, of the things that we usually do on Wednesday Night or Sunday morning, I was the only one doing those things. Needless to say, I think I have grown up so much in this week. I'm not really sure that I could pinpoint one thing that I have learned, but I am positive of one thing; I think I could make it. See, the biggest thing that I lack is confidence in being able to do things of excellence. I am always second guessing myself and trying to make excuses as to why I'm not good enough for something or someone. (This is not a pity party, just a recognition of growth in this week.) Whether it is the position that I have been graciously afforded at this church, or the place that I find myself intellectually, I have always found reasons why I'm not good enough.

Coming into this week, I had always had someone to defer to when it came to making decisions and working through tough situations. Whether it was Chris Lehane last year in Junior High, or Mark Lantz when I was at BC Athletics, or Derry since being here at NMC in the Senior High; someone else was always the responsible party. All that said, I am still not the desk where the buck stops, nor have I even moved into a broader range of responsibility when it comes to calls in our ministry, but I have felt the weight of being the only one here and having to make judgment calls on how we do things WITHOUT the counsel of a seasoned pastor across the hall.

Personal Revelation
This week has also been a huge moment of growth spiritually. I have had my definition of Grace defined, redefined and redefined again through my study of Grace and paying attention to Grace in my life. It is funny, I have preached in the past two weeks on the need for us to stop backing out of Hell and start running toward Heaven, but I'm not sure that this notion has transcended into my own life. Well, I think that I am going to be putting my foot down.

A Beautiful Collision
This all comes at a very opportune moment for me and my walk with Christ. In recognizing my insecurities and my doubts and second-guesses of myself and my abilities, I choose Grace. In understanding what it takes to be able to strain toward the prize which is promised for me in Heaven, I choose Grace. In continuing to learn what it means to holistically follow after Christ and to be more like Him in everything that I do, I choose Grace.

I choose Grace because it is freely offered to me.
I choose Grace because it erases my past and turns me toward Today.
I choose Grace because it is the only way that I will be able to be with Jesus.
I choose Grace because without it, I am nothing and capable of anything that pleases the Father.
I choose Grace because He chose me; on the cross; without hesitation; with determination and conquered Death so that my sin would be condemned, even before I was born.
I choose Grace because it is the single, most important piece of my effort to run the race that is set before me.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 2:12-14

1 comment:

YA BRO said...

i find a few things ironic in just the first few paragraphs of this . .. Geoff Cocanower is a confident person ! i know that as a true fact . . with all the discussions at the house and when we have actually talked , you always are confident in what you are saying . .I think that while you are in the church you always second guess yourself if you ... See Moreare doing something right . . but the thing you have to remember is that even if you mess up or dont excell the first time as long as you get back up and keep going then you have truly made progress. . . i am always amazed at what i read on here . . usually it is late at night every night when i think and read your blog posts . . i know (kinda stalkerish) but its cause i do miss being in the house with you and punching holes through walls and running only for my brother to come and find me and calm me down . . so kinda getting off topic now but i just wanted to let you know that even though i tried to intrude on everything you did it was because i looked up to you because once you got to Bethel i think you met a pretty great guy/brother/youth pastor/ John that got you to realize your true calling . . and i have always looked up to you since then . . although i dont show it all the time i really do still look up to you and am in awe of everything you are doing . . .

Love you brother