Friendship Fridays: Surrender vs. Sacrifice

I think that it is safe to say that when it comes to any relationship there is a bit of compromise and a give and take that happens when we engage in that bond. However, I think that there is a two-fold process that happens when we are working towards a Christ-focused friendship. And there are distinct differences and yet they must both happen for an exclusive Christ-focused bond to begin to take place between two people.

Surrender
When we are looking to begin any type of endeavor or journey, we have to stop and recognize some of the things that it is going to take to set out on that journey or trip. The same is true for a Christ-focused friendship. Maybe it will be like last week, where we had to realize that sometimes people need to not like us. But we need to take some time and surrender the things that we are holding onto that will hinder being in true relationship with someone. And this isn't something that happens completely, before a friendship. Many times we have to have a continual surrender of different things throughout our relationship with a person.

I liken this idea to the need to surrender our fears, worries, humanly desires and ultimately, our lives to Christ in order for our relationship with Him to become complete. The point being that when we release certain things to Christ we become closer to Him. The same is true for your Christ-focused friendships. When we decide to surrender certain wants and desires, we have decided that the things that we want are not as important as the connection at hand with another individual. And that action, that decision, allows for that individual to grow deeper into our heart and personality.

Sacrifice
This is the action that we see that exists in Christ-focused friendships. So often, our society tells us that everything is about pleasing, catering or creating situations that benefit the number one most important person in the world, ME (or you). Even in the relationships that we have. Possibly, this could be a cause of the issues we see of all kinds of students and people deciding that a relationship with Christ isn't as important to them, because it just doesn't do enough for them. This is why so many of our friendships fail or become increasingly apathetic. A Christ-focused friendship is much, much more.

On simple semantics, the word surrender indicates a need for a personal, inner reflection of reality and the need to give up of something that is more on the inside than a specific action that affects someone else. On the other hand, sacrifice is much more oriented towards action. When Abraham was prepared to sacrifice Isaac, there was an action of traveling all the way to wherever they went and binding the boy and preparing the altar. The surrender happened when Abraham internally decided that this is what was going to happen.

The sacrifice we do is always an outward sign of our inward surrender. It is an action; of some sort. Whether it is the sacrifice of your time to attend their mom's funeral, forgo shopping with other friends because they need help with a crisis situation, or simply sacrificing some money so that they can eat lunch that day; there is always an outward action that indicates true sacrifice.

So what is it for You?
When it comes down to it, we all have relationships that could be strengthened if we would just continue to recognize what personal things that we are holding onto that we need to surrender and see those things in action in the form of outward sacrifice. So what is it for you? What relationship are you involved in, right now, that you need to surrender something in your heart so that you can sacrifice for the one that you want to be more closely tied to? What action can you do today that allows someone to be closer to you because you have sacrificed for them?

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

- 1 John 3:16

Friendship Fridays: Allow People Not to Like You

This week, we start with a little video from a great man of God and a former professor of mine, Bob Laurent.

DB puts things so well here. When it comes to being in true community and in Christ-focused relationships, we have to be willing to be in conflict sometimes. If we desire to spur each other on to Christ and closer to Christ, then we have to be willing to have people that don't like us. How many times have you avoided a conversation with someone that you considered your closest friend, because you were afraid of how they might react?

Christ-focused friendships don't worry about the things that could happen here and make sure that both people are focused on what's most important in the long run. It is so much more about the eternal ramifications than anything that we could do on this earth.

So, today, don't be afraid to call out that person that needs to be called out and give them the chance to choose to not like you. If they have given you license to talk with them openly about things, then it is most nearly your responsibility to do so. May you be brave today and allow Him to work through you.

p.s. Thanks to Corey Mann for the video.

Friendship Fridays: The Difference

 As I look at friendships from my past but also from a current crop of students that I work with right now, it is clear that there is a definite difference between people in our lives that are just friends and those that are Christian friends. We are a little more reserved and calculated with each one in different ways, and that depends on how you see your mission with each group. But that's for later. As I launch into this series I want to hash out some of the ways that these two groups differ.

Friends-
These are people that you hang out with at school, at the concerts or the football game. You don't talk about "Christian things" because that might offend them. You don't know where they are at because you've always been afraid to pursue that with these people because they might "shun" you or stop hanging out with you. But you're ok with that because it's not like they are your closest friends. I mean you guys hang out and stuff, but it's not like they are your accountability partner or something important like that. These are the people that you think of when you are challenged at youth group to think of your non-Christian or struggling friends.

Christian Friends-
These are the people that you hang out with at school, at the concerts or the football game. Just not as much maybe. Perhaps you hang with them every once in a while. Probably less than your other friends. But these people are more important in your life. They are with you at Youth Group and they probably are pretty close to what an Accountability relationship would look like. You both have some common ground and you feel close to that person. You share more deeper things with this person and you allow them to speak truth into your lives. This relationship probably formed out of your involvement at your church or some type of "group" that you both went to at some point.

As I describe these two different groups, you have probably already started putting people in these two groups. Or, you got mad at me for making two different delineations on who it is that you hang out with and you don't want to hear me elaborate on why I think that these are both less than adequate for a Christian to be pursuing. See, I think that there is a third type of friendship that brings both individuals closer to Christ.

Christ-focused Friends
These friends are closer than either of the other two types of friends. While hanging out with your "Friends" is fun a lot of the time and you usually have a good time, you are usually left wanting something more and desiring something else from that friendship. Furthermore, you and your "Christian Friends" still aren't quite as close as you want to be and it always seems to be a roller coaster with that person because you are only willing to go so deep with that person, or you are only willing to push each other to a certain level. The Christ-focused friendship pushes each other in times when no one else will push you; supports you when no one else will; gives you encouragement when they just sense that you need to hear it. This friendship lasts longer than the other two and it gives you more value than the other two. The reason for all of this is because it is built on a different foundation and it has a different level of involvement by both individuals. And I think it is reasonable to think that this can be attainable by any friendship that you may have.

Practical Step of the Week:
Take a moment and reflect on the friendships that you have or the friendships that you have had and thank God for what those have done to help mold you into the person that you are today. As we take time to give thanks for all the other things, take some time and be thankful for those friendships that are in your family.

Coming Up Next...
In the next installment, we will come to a better understanding of what a Christ-focused friendship is and why it is more valuable and worth more than the other friendships...