Responses to DB - A Blog Series - Marriage, Family and the High Calling of Being Single

There is such a need for DB's message to make it out to the world. In a world that values divorce as the remedy to the problems that arise in a marriage, careful examination of ourselves and the possible suitors that present themselves is critical. In my experience with students, the health of the family has continually presented itself as critical to the development of a person's character and life.

So what does this do for me personally as an individual that is already in a committed relationship? What does this mean for a person who is entering into a ministry field that requires me to counsel families from time to time?

I think that key to the process of discerning our place as either single citizens or people of one flesh in marriage to someone of the opposite sex is the notion of selection and keeping our expectations clear in our mind. Knowing what I expect is critical to the assessment of the relationship for you. Being able to identify what I expect out of the relationship or the values that I place on the relationship allows us to know if we are to be in a relationship or not.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and as we were talking about life the topic of her relationship with her boyfriend came up. In this conversation, she noted that she felt like she should not have expectations entering the relationship and throughout the relationship. Ironically, my girlfriend had just had this conversation with me a couple of nights before. One of the questions that DB identified as a key question to ask when deciding on a relationship is: "Do I have a vision in my heart of the type of person that is right for me?" I would reword it slightly to be similar to this:

"Do I have a a vision in my heart for how I would want to be treated in this relationship?"

What I find so amazing is how quickly people, especially girls, are willing to sacrifice their expectations for the relationship. And I find it troubling. How else are you going to gauge how the relationship is going if you disregard your expectations and your values, just so you can avoid confrontation or conflict?

Our expectations allow us to understand what we need from the relationship. It gives us the ability to put into words what we need from the other person in the relationship. Without this understanding, how can we communicate this to them? And on the defensive side of things: How are you going to be able to stand for what you feel is right in the relationship if you are putting your expectations aside?

Keep your expectations. Make them known when you need to. Give yourself credit. If you're expectations are not being met, then something needs to change. This could be the expectation, but if you have nothing to base your dissonance then you have no where to grow.

Happy Relationship Building!