Sexual Impurity vs. Sexual Health

Lately, I haven't prioritized blogging. That's clearly evident as I had trouble writing that first sentence. The thing about blogging, is it makes me think critically about my world and the things that I am experiencing. Ironically, I haven't been thinking too critically about, well, anything. That ends today folks!

I want to revisit a thought that was rattling around my head the other day. It's the idea of Sexual Health vs. Sexual Purity.

I am not Sexually Pure. It's not even something that has really even been on the radar for most of my adult life (I'm not really sure when that started... adult life, that is). And as much as I would like to blame this on culture and its ability to "sexualize" just about anything, I have no one to blame but myself, because I have a choice. Every time. I have a choice. Do I align myself with God's Will to overcome sin and my sinful nature, or do I choose to give into the chains and weights of that sinful nature? But the thing is, for many of us, this question doesn't come up early enough in the process of experiencing something that could lead us to impurity. We ask that question either, right before, or during the "act" that we would rather not partake in. And for many, the barricades, are no where near far enough from the cliff of sin as they should be.

In many senses, we have, over time, allowed the term "Sexually Pure" to define those of us who have remained free from the act of sexual intercourse and from anything else that would not allow us to be "pure." But that seems to be quite the problem when it comes to sexual purity. Pure, by its very nature is without fault; without blemish; containing nothing but the original, most purest form of whatever you are describing as pure. So, in essence, my question is not to inquire about how to be sexually pure, rather, can you be sexually pure. Biblically, it seems almost impossible to be "pure" in any sense (Rom. 3:23).

It seems ironic to me that Christians are the biggest proponent of being sexually pure, yet we (and I say we because I have lived most of my life inside this school of thought) define "Sexual Purity" in terms probably better defined by celibacy. We "save" ourselves for our husbands and wives, yet the only thing that we have been saving is our "first time" of having intercourse. We settle for this being sexual purity because we have made something that, even in our own terms, is unattainable by any human being, save for the God-Man, Jesus. We need to come to terms with the fact that we are most likely not going to be "Sexually Pure," ever.

I am beginning to define myself as striving to be Sexually Healthy. Of course, I'm not sure that I could even describe this idea without being convicted of my own short-comings to such an expectation that I am about to outline, but, if He can speak through a donkey, I should hope to be "usable."

I'm convinced that in no way will we ever attain "Sexual Purity." Sorry folks, just don't see it happening. In no way am I licensing anyone to throw out standards either. As a matter of fact, the point to which I am making has more to do with striving for Sexual Health in our thought life and allowing that to translate into your ability to glorify God through a more pure lifestyle. Jesus talked about this in Matthew 5 and specifically in verse 28.

Sexual Health is a way for me to put the guardrails in my mind close enough to the road that I have a very hard time falling off of the cliff. To be sexually healthy is to push away anything that could lead us to the thoughts, acts and urges that bring on the chains and shame that is accompanied with sexually damaging thoughts and actions.

So for now, our goal should not be to avoid sex. Our goal should not be to avoid any act that reflects the sinful nature that we all possess. Our goal should become striving for thoughts that glorify God. Our goal should be to see sex as the gift from God that it is and see it in its unadulterated state.

Together, let's avoid the movies, or the parts in movies, that don't allow us to do any of the above. Turn off the tunes that reference sex as some kind of service that is expected of either party in a relationship. Shield our eyes, ears and ultimately our hearts from the perversion of this beautiful gift that has been given to those who unite under covenant before God.

TalkBack:
What is your definition of Sexual Purity? How do you attain it?
Do your boundaries hold when they are under the intense pressure of temptation?

I'm sure that this conversation will continue as I process through this. Join me in the journey!

GUEST POST: Dr. Ted Bryant

The following is a post from Bethel Professor, Ted Bryant. Ted is a passionate follower of Jesus who strives to see Christ be glorified in his work, teaching, and life. Ted has been someone that I have looked up to from afar but the respect I have for this wise man is quite deep. This is one of his posts from his blog, www.tedbryant.org and it holds a great message to those that are struggling with the topic of pornography. I share this with Ted's permission and hope that if you are struggling through this, it is a blessing and an encouragement.

Last week at Bethel, we focused on sexuality in the chapel messages, and I thought that I would share some or the message material with you along with a few of my opinions mixed in.

The Walterhouses shared their story with us, which involved his addiction to porn for almost 20 years starting at age 14, and carrying through his entire training to be a pastor and his pastorship until he was caught. No one knew. . . . . not his wife. . . . . not his “accountability” partner. . . . no one. These are some lies that he believe that kept him in bondage:

1. I’m the only person struggling with this sin - now he knew others were dealing with it, but not as bad as him, and wasn’t it supposed to go away after marriage - that’s what other people had told him. . . . what was wrong with him??

2. Everyone struggles with this sin (Lie of rationalization/justification) - in other words, when he heard his discipleship leader make a comment about “just because he is on a diet [i.e., he is married] doesn’t mean he can’t look at the menu” - he figured that this is just a man’s cross to bare, and that all men are dealing with it, so it is really not that big a deal.

3. I’m not hurting anyone else (Lie of denial) - this is just affecting me, noone else is getting hurt. Side not here from me - first of all, “you bring you into every relationship, thus, if you are affected then all of your relationships are affected!” Second, you only have a limited amount of passion and desire, and if you are using up some or most of it on porn, then guess who gets short-changed?. . . . your spouse, your friends, your vocation, etc….

4. I can get victory over this sin (Lie of self-effort) - in other words, if I would just confess it enough, pray about it enough, go to enough church camps, etc…. (his list was fairly long here) . . . then I can kick this thing myself, and noone has to know.

5. I can NEVER get victory over this sin (Lie of hopelessness) - After believing lie #4 and trying as hard as he could many, many times. . . he came to the conclusion that all was hopeless in conquering this. Side note from me: this is not uncommone to see with those struggling with addiction, and it goes something like this. People can maybe envision being strong for a few hours, or a day, but once they start imagining being strong for a week or 2 weeks, a month? - they feel overwhelmed, b/c there is no way they are strong enough for that!! and so they say “screw-it” might as well just give in now. . . .

You know what . . . part of them is right - the state they are in right now, they can’t make it a month, but the secret (that the enemy does not want you to know) is that Day 12 is not as hard as Day 1, and that you are being transformed throughout, so that one day at a time. . . you are getting stronger - sure you will fall, but God is there to keep building you up.

So, keys to victory, according to the Walterhouses:

1. Press in clost to the heart of God - emphasis on the HEART! - and that heart is of love and grace, yes. . . . even for this! He is ready to help and bring you back home!

2. be open with your sexual struggles (or hidden sin) with someone that has bite - in other words confess in a radical way - to people that might leave a mark (i.e., a spouse, an RD, etc…)

3. Call it what it really is. . . . Sin and Lies - and just like any sin, when grown fully leads to death.

One last note from my heart on this:

Deep within each man is a desire to be wanted, and wanted sexually - those images, those pictures. . . you know what they are telling men? “I want you” - “I WANT YOU” - “you don’t have to change, I will except you just the way you are, you don’t have to work to convince me - I am all yours”. That temptation strikes to the core of most men - you take into consideration that men or visually driven, and you have the recipe for a “fall.”

There is so much more to be said on this, but that is it for now - pray for the boys/men and girls/women that are in this addiction right now please - they need all of our help.