Humble Lessons in Communication: Reality Trumps Connectivity

I remember the day that I got my first Blackberry. It was a Blackberry Pearl. It was the first time that I was continuously connected to a number of different communication tools. Facebook, Twitter, Email, SMS, Internet, all at my fingertips, making me much easier to get into contact with by anyone who was linked to me via those mediums. Naturally, the geek inside of me began to flourish as I learned more and more how I could best use this tool to connect with people and, later on, students.

I was working in Junior High then and really had no need to be connected to students as much, but as I began to transition to Senior High and a much more connected group of students, it became clear that this new instrument was going to be very fruitful. Anytime a student sent me a message, I would get it almost instantaneously, be able to respond and remain connected to that student. It made my presence on social media much more obvious. But there was one aspect to this whole thing that I didn't recognize until recently and it made me change my focus when using these tools.

Connectivity cannot replace reality.

At no time does the use of any social media tool replace the physical touch of a person to person meeting, the face-to-face conversation of a one-on-one run-in, or a voice-to-voice phone call. It is so tempting, especially in student ministry, to allow Facebook, Twitter and texting to be the only form of communication or touch that we have with students. I mean, come on, all of our students are on one of those forms of communication and it is so much easier to touch a larger number of students that way. But we have to recognize that the bandwidth bank account only accepts personal deposits.

I think Zig Zigler gets credit for this one, but the saying goes, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." Maybe it needs to be revised a bit in these days: "A person doesn't care how much you have to say, unless you care enough to say it in person." The fact is that unless we establish a "real" relationship with people, it doesn't matter how connected we are.

What forms of connectivity are you using?
How has that helped or hurt your ministry?

GC

Humble Lessons in Communication - Clear and Concise is always Nice

I was just beginning a new role as the Boys' Basketball Announcer at Concord and getting to know the ropes of how things happen at "the show" that is Boys' Basketball games. I was handed a paragraph to read that was supposed to communicate to fans that something was taking place. I looked it over and began to wonder when I would be able to use it because it looked like a 2 minute read. And that was without repeating any of the information! I was then handed another sheet that had two lines on the sheet and was telling of another, crucial event that was taking place somewhere at sometime in the school. I quickly knew that both events might be in trouble save for the fact that they were the only two announcements to be made during the JV game.

If there's one thing that I've learned over the short few years that I have studied Communication that has proven itself time and time again, it's the reality that simplicity can make or break the clarity of a message.

In some cases, simplicity can break the clarity of the message by not being clear and providing the needed information to understand why someone would want me to consider it. While being simple can lend itself to being less bog down, it can leave someone still asking many, important questions that could have easily been resolved if someone were to provide a bit more information. In a message by a preacher, for example, if someone doesn't receive the context of a passage and why the principle comes from that passage, they may not be able to connect the dots and move forward because of the message.

In other cases, the lack of simplicity breaks the message because it goes on and on and fails to communicate any new information for the person. This happens all the time when someone is not concise enough. That first read would never attract the most amount of people because a person heard me talking about the same event for 90 seconds or more. In a message, if I continue to talk about a pop-culture television show for 15 minutes and run out of time, I miss my opportunity to share something that is more important. The opportunity is gone because I have no more time or I have lost the attention of my audience.

The reality for me is simple, a clear concise message that is pointed and direct allows for the most effective communication. My goal should be two things: 1) New Content or 2) New Perspective. If I need to review a story, I should have a new wrinkle in the story or a new way of interpreting it. I have found the most effective communicators, in any venue, are able to lay out the content and then offer a couple perspectives on the topic without restating the content in its original form.

Recently, in my preaching, I have been trying to hit one main principle that communicates the truth that I am sharing. If I can find other sub-principles that help support that main principle, I will use up to three. If I need to go over three, then I need to use a note sheet and do a better job of laying out all of the content. In the end, I am more clear and concise because I push myself to be more and more simplistic with the simple truths that line the life of Jesus.

Humble Lessons in Communication - Perspective of Personal Reality Affects the Understanding of the Message

Communication. It was one of my concentrations in college. Practicing it well is something I'm interested in. And Terry Linhart told me I should write regularly about it. So, this will be, hopefully, a regular institution here at geoffcocanower.com.

I'd like to consider myself a practitioner of communication because of the many ways that I utilize effective communication in such varied settings. Whether it's Public Address, Mastering the Ceremonies, preaching, radio, promotions, or just effectively communicating inter-personally, Communication seems to have a very real presence in my life. Because of these things, there are a few humble lessons that I have learned that have helped me refine and recreate myself time and time again to be better and more effective.

Before anyone can begin to effectively communicate with a group of individuals or an individual, they must recognize that every single person has their own perspective on the reality of their own history. Did you catch that? If you want to truly connect with a person, you have to realize that every person that walks the face of this planet has their own conglomeration of thoughts and experiences that shape the way that they see the world and the history of their own life in that world. That means that in no way shape or form should you expect to say one thing and every single person receive the context, connotation and concept that you might have in your mind whenever you decide to open your mouth.

This is so difficult to work through that, at times, it's just plain not worth it. In some settings, you may never be able to relate a certain truth that you may know is true, but understanding the context in which that is true takes an inordinate amount of time to wade through someone's misunderstanding of the topic. Other times, we take way too much time working through the definitions of a topic in order to help someone understand the context that while they might not be able to understand, they don't need to in order to understand the message and the truth.

I've seen this in the messages that are printed for me to read at ballgames to the way that things are reported on the news. From the messages that I have watched or listened to of preachers all over the world to the messages that I have prepared myself. There is a great deal of care that goes into making sure that each message is heard and heard in the way that they are intended.

This is the reality. If you want someone to hear what you are saying to them, you have to either do your homework, or do the work to meet on some common ground. Because if you're like me, you want people to hear the message that you are sharing not merely listen to it.

So, this week, take some extra time. Prepare well, realizing that every single person has their own perspective on the reality of their own history.

What I hate about Communication

Communication. It is a thing that is highly overrated in the Church. We have launched pastors and speakers to celebrity status in the Church without much of a blink of an eye because they have the ability to say things that make us think in a way that forces us to change our lives. The rub is that these people are probably awesome followers of Christ, but we would never know it because all we do is critique their speaking style, judge the uh's and um's of their latest message, and book them for every single possible day that they are available to come and speak to us.

What is so frustrating for me is the notion that this is what makes a good pastor or follower of Christ. If you want to excel in the Church or your church, you need to be able to speak in front of large groups and effectively communicate God's Word to people. This is such a fallacy!

What's even more frustrating is that everyone in the Church has an opinion. When you ask someone, "How did church go on Sunday?" What's the first thing that is usually the comment? "Oh, it was a great sermon!" Or, if the associate pastor spoke that you don't usually like, "Well, it was Pastor Rich, so I didn't connect very well with the message." We get so caught up in the message and style of the message that we forget that GOD'S TRYING TO COMMUNICATE SOMETHING TO US!

Don't get me wrong, as a communicator, I have many moments where I start assessing and making mental notes of how "I would have done it." It can get overwhelming when I can't get my critical mind off of the format and onto the message. But the fact still remains that I find myself needing to be less critical of the speaker and more critical of the message.

This week, our SOAR Class for 2010 worked through the Communicator's Workshop. It was funny to see how they struggled, at times, to offer as many pieces of positive reinforcement and encouragement as they had critical concerns on delivery, content and intonation. I think that it goes to show, that as we look to follow after Christ, we have to recognize two things:

1) God didn't, God doesn't, God won't call EVERYONE to be speakers, communicators or prophets. It doesn't happen. Paul relays this message in 1 Corinthians 12 and challenges us to think about how we are gifted. Where do we fit?

2) Our desire should be to follow Christ, not just speak for Him. This is one that I wrestle with often. My sinful nature takes hold and wants to play to my desire to be great and to be able to be recognized by many. I want to glorify Him! But the only way to do that is to imitate Him; take from His example; Be a proctor of His Love.

May we learn what it means to be hearer's of God's Word and not assessors of those who are sharing it so that we may come to follow Him better, every day.

*I deeply respect Louie Giglio and did not use his picture as an example of bad communication. :)

Tuesday Tips: Communication Tips for Opening Up

A little something new on the blog is this new series that is starting today called: Tuesday Tips (Enter Big Echo-ey voice)

I recently had to put together a page for our December Monthly that was addressed to parents and ways that they could engage their students in spiritual development. It got me thinking about some things for today. The following are some simply, yet handy tips to consider when you are working with someone that is new to you or is someone that you haven't ever engaged a topic with before.

-Ask open-ended questions
-Don't expect to get overly "spiritual" answers
-Remember that people are engaged in a much different culture today than ever before, even in the ways that they communicate (texting, facebook, etc.) and that because of that their language is much more short and concise
-Commit to the process of engaging this person: This is a process. People don't just automatically open up, especially if you haven't ever engaged in this topic before. Give it time and allow them to open up to you.

I have found that these are  extremely helpful in "breaking the ice" or whenever you are opening up a subject that you haven't ever delved into with a person.