The following is a post from Bethel Professor, Ted Bryant. Ted is a passionate follower of Jesus who strives to see Christ be glorified in his work, teaching, and life. Ted has been someone that I have looked up to from afar but the respect I have for this wise man is quite deep. This is one of his posts from his blog, www.tedbryant.org and it holds a great message to those that are struggling with the topic of pornography. I share this with Ted's permission and hope that if you are struggling through this, it is a blessing and an encouragement.
Last week at Bethel, we focused on sexuality in the chapel messages, and I thought that I would share some or the message material with you along with a few of my opinions mixed in.
The Walterhouses shared their story with us, which involved his addiction to porn for almost 20 years starting at age 14, and carrying through his entire training to be a pastor and his pastorship until he was caught. No one knew. . . . . not his wife. . . . . not his “accountability” partner. . . . no one. These are some lies that he believe that kept him in bondage:
1. I’m the only person struggling with this sin - now he knew others were dealing with it, but not as bad as him, and wasn’t it supposed to go away after marriage - that’s what other people had told him. . . . what was wrong with him??
2. Everyone struggles with this sin (Lie of rationalization/justification) - in other words, when he heard his discipleship leader make a comment about “just because he is on a diet [i.e., he is married] doesn’t mean he can’t look at the menu” - he figured that this is just a man’s cross to bare, and that all men are dealing with it, so it is really not that big a deal.
3. I’m not hurting anyone else (Lie of denial) - this is just affecting me, noone else is getting hurt. Side not here from me - first of all, “you bring you into every relationship, thus, if you are affected then all of your relationships are affected!” Second, you only have a limited amount of passion and desire, and if you are using up some or most of it on porn, then guess who gets short-changed?. . . . your spouse, your friends, your vocation, etc….
4. I can get victory over this sin (Lie of self-effort) - in other words, if I would just confess it enough, pray about it enough, go to enough church camps, etc…. (his list was fairly long here) . . . then I can kick this thing myself, and noone has to know.
5. I can NEVER get victory over this sin (Lie of hopelessness) - After believing lie #4 and trying as hard as he could many, many times. . . he came to the conclusion that all was hopeless in conquering this. Side note from me: this is not uncommone to see with those struggling with addiction, and it goes something like this. People can maybe envision being strong for a few hours, or a day, but once they start imagining being strong for a week or 2 weeks, a month? - they feel overwhelmed, b/c there is no way they are strong enough for that!! and so they say “screw-it” might as well just give in now. . . .
You know what . . . part of them is right - the state they are in right now, they can’t make it a month, but the secret (that the enemy does not want you to know) is that Day 12 is not as hard as Day 1, and that you are being transformed throughout, so that one day at a time. . . you are getting stronger - sure you will fall, but God is there to keep building you up.
So, keys to victory, according to the Walterhouses:
1. Press in clost to the heart of God - emphasis on the HEART! - and that heart is of love and grace, yes. . . . even for this! He is ready to help and bring you back home!
2. be open with your sexual struggles (or hidden sin) with someone that has bite - in other words confess in a radical way - to people that might leave a mark (i.e., a spouse, an RD, etc…)
3. Call it what it really is. . . . Sin and Lies - and just like any sin, when grown fully leads to death.
One last note from my heart on this:
Deep within each man is a desire to be wanted, and wanted sexually - those images, those pictures. . . you know what they are telling men? “I want you” - “I WANT YOU” - “you don’t have to change, I will except you just the way you are, you don’t have to work to convince me - I am all yours”. That temptation strikes to the core of most men - you take into consideration that men or visually driven, and you have the recipe for a “fall.”
There is so much more to be said on this, but that is it for now - pray for the boys/men and girls/women that are in this addiction right now please - they need all of our help.
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