A Typically Awkward Time

So, last night, my mom invited Jenni over to the house. Of course, we ended our relationship somewhere around 6 weeks ago and we hadn't talked much between then and now. On top of that, the entire family was invited over to the house to see her off as she is taking a job at Centerpointe Presbyterian Church in Pleasanton, California in Jr. High Ministry called Ignition. Do you see the picture that is getting painted?

Clearly, this could turn out to be both awkward and bad. Naturally, I probably should stay away because it might get real awkward. Obviously, we are trying to become separate beings and if I am around her and we start sharing stories we will probably start having feelings for each other. Oh My!

What is natural is that I did think about all of these things. I was thinking about some of these things as I was driving back from Mishawaka en route to this crash course with awkwardness and possible conflict.

But I had a different, more obvious thought that was running through my head and my heart. I was beginning to be glad that Jenni was coming to the house and that I would be able to see her one last time before she heads to Cali. And I had to text Derry to make sure that I was not like, "in the wrong," or to make sure that it wasn't "weird," that I was feeling this way.

As I was thinking about this, I began to ponder why I felt that it was weird for me to care about seeing Jenni and being glad or happy that I was given the opportunity to say "So long, for now," in person. It seemed like the only thing that I could put my finger on was the way that I had grown up understanding break-ups and the ends of relationships as society views them.

Society says that the products of ended relationships are bitterness, avoidance, and awkward silence. But what if that was the exception to the rule? What if we were able to identify love as an enduring situation that CAN be present in any relationship whether the relationship continues into marriage or just the next month? This is being developed in my own heart and mind.

I have always been someone, especially after high school, that has said that high school relationships are ridiculously overrated and that "love" cannot exist in a high school relationship. Moreover, there is no possibility that any form of this love can possibly exist between two people after they break up. I am not sure if this is because of past relationships (the few that I have had, mostly in the emotional roller coaster of high school) or because of what I have seen depicted by culture through movies, television, and books. I am confident that some of these things are complete fallacies and frustrating to see as someone who wants to help people to know what it means to just LOVE.

Last night was actually pretty great. As a matter of fact, I think that it was divine in the timing that Jenni and I experienced as we were able to move away from each other and separate our personalities back into individual thinking and yet still had a connection. We were able to recognize more truth about our friendship and the depth of love that we had for each other. The fact is that we did and still do love each other. However, as a process and, more importantly, the seemingly intent of dating: to recognize how deep that love could be with any said individual, was realized by us. It was a great time, actually, and I believe that it allowed us to come to some closure or peace on the elephant that seemed to be in the room.

So what does this mean for my view of relationships at all levels? I am confident that there is still a certain amount of me that would still advise that relationships in the context of high school must be considered with a high amount caution and wisdom as it is a very tumultuous time. However, this could apply to all levels of relationships. I am positive that in the context of adult relationships, there needs to be a shift as to what it is that is considered love.

I'm not sure how we shift this thinking.
I'm not sure if this thinking can be shifted.

I am sure that I want my relationships to be filled with love.
I am sure that I want to see myself understand the level of depth with which I love.
I am sure that We, as Christians, must come to see dating as a different thing that the World does.

*I am certain that I will be developing more thoughts on this topic and others relating to this, but I would love to engage in a discussion on this topic. Via comments, wall posts, messages, or in person!