1. Be Open
This is critical from the very beginning. If you want to gain something from this relationship, then tell that person. If you see something that bothers you or hear something about that person that you are confused about, TELL THEM! One of the most critical portions of being in an open relationship with a friend is just that; being open. Being open to what they are saying to you and being open to the tone that they might be using.
2. Seek to Understand FIRST
When we are in a place of accountability, we need to seek to understand what that person is going through. Even when we know that something is going on with that person (failure to keep TAWG, Inappropriate Relationships, etc.) it is our responsibility to try and understand what is going on in that person's life. We might be barking up the right tree, but it might be the wrong tree. So try to figure out what's going on with that person before you try and "perform surgery" on their life. On top of that, we have to be sure that if we are the one who is being "called out," and it is hurting more than it usually does, we need to be willing to ask questions that force us to understand where that person is coming from.
3. Utilize the Spirit of God
Sometimes we forget that God can reveal things in our lives through other people. Because of this we need to be open to the Spirit's movement in our conversations with people. In order to do that, we need to ask for His guiding in those conversations. In addition to that, we need to be attentive to what the Spirit is saying. For me, I rarely get specific promptings that say, "This person is doing ________." (You fill in the blank) What I normally find the Spirit saying is, "Keep pushing. Don't stop until they reveal something." Or, "They DO KNOW what it is that they need to do." But what I have to find myself doing is making sure that it is me being sensitive to the spirit and not adding my own spirit.
4. Find it in you to be an Encourager
When we are in an accountability relationship, it can very quickly and very easily become a very deep conversation EVERY TIME or a very frustrating conversation EVERY TIME. We have to realize that we can't always be analyzing their life. We MUST, for the health of the relationship, find a way to encourage that individual or that person may see you coming and turn the other way; or put walls up against you in their mind. We must be able to push each other, but we must also find ways to build each other up as well.
5. Be Completely Real
I've talked about community and pseudo-community before on this blog and this is no different in this setting. The key to a true accountability relationship is being able to be real even when it hurts. When that person irritates you to no end or offends you; TELL THEM! When you see the other person doing something that is contrary to what they had committed to or desired to do; TELL THEM! Love was never meant to be flowery, plush, and comfortable. If it was, someone might want to send Jesus a memo, cause I'm pretty sure the cross was none of those. The point is that we must be willing to spar a little bit. Growing is not easy, it's not pleasant, and it's not without some rough edges. Be willing to feel the sharpness of realness and honesty; it is so much more worth it when this kind of reality can be achieved and not avoided.
As we enter into these type of relationships to seize the opportunity to spur each other on, may we be wise and committed to creating the best possible environments for growth and closeness to each other and closeness to God.
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another. - Proverbs 27:17
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